A Letter of Hope From Parents of An Addict
Jan 2nd, 2009 • Category: BlogImagine our surprise…you’re reading this so you CAN imagine our surprise (!), OUR son addicted to alcohol and drugs. We thought all teenagers experimented with beer and cigarettes as we did in our youth, but had no clue that our son had spiraled into an alcohol, cocaine and God knows what else…kind of stupor. We learned in a circle of other addicts and parents and loved ones that his drugs of choice were alcohol and cocaine.
Now imagine our shock, we lived on the “right” side of the tracks, in a big house, in the best neighborhood, with a great job to provide all things necessary for a good life, from the best of families, pillars of the community and church and all that…but our beloved son was on drugs…something no one in our immediate family knew anything about.
We were mad as hell at him, mad as hell at each other…how could this be happening to us? We learned pretty quick that it COULD happen to us as well as YOU and anyone else you know. Alcohol and drug addiction pays no attention to who you are, who your mama and daddy are or where you live. It WILL BUST your world wide open if you let it.
One of the best lessons we learned early was from a recovering alcoholic who was a counselor at a major addictions facility. “There is nothing you could have done to prevent your son, or daughter for that matter, from experimenting with alcohol or drugs”, she said. Believe me, we gave them all the parental speeches against drinking and drugs…how it was illegal, in the first place, besides being something that could kill in the snap of a finger. We all knew someone from our high school days who was killed while driving drunk or was killed by a drunk driver…that was enough to scare us into not drinking and driving…well, not that we had a “problem” with alcohol. We could take it or leave it…thank God!
But this cocaine…it was a nightmare that we would not wish on our worst enemy. (We later learned it was cocaine and just about anything else that could be consumed…you can use your imagination!)
Our second lesson from our FIRST rehab was “It usually takes 3-4 rehabs before the addict realizes he is killing himself” and for us as parents to “Go home and make his funeral arrangements”…this we did. “The next call you will receive will be the authorities asking you to come and identify your addict in the morgue. When you receive this call, you will be on auto-pilot, hence making the funeral arrangements prior to the call is a good idea”…such wonderful information to share and a good tidbit to know, we thought sarcastically! She was very direct and matter-of-fact with us. “Not our son”, we thought…he’s “learned his lesson”, we heard him say…but he was addicted to alcohol and drugs.
NOTE: You need to understand this before we go any further with OUR story…each addict’s story depends on himself or herself and a combination of a LOT of other things too numerous to mention here. Whether he or she comes out of addiction or not and into recovery or not is an entirely individual phenomenon. As you know, some stories are sad and some are happy and some stories are a mixture…such is life and such is our story!
Meanwhile, back at the ranch…after our son’s FOURTH rehab stay (thankfully at places that did not require payment) and for several months at a time (or years in our case) of not knowing whether he was alive or dead, our son’s life began to turn around. Why it turned around, we do not know…remember when we said WE had no control over a child’s or young adult’s experimentation with alcohol or drugs?
In our case, our entire family fluctuated over the years back and forth from happiness to despair. In our case, the last rehab seemed to have taken hold for some reason. In our son’s case, he said he was ready to get his life back on track…that he was tired of slowly killing himself before our eyes. He was just ”tired of being tired”.
Now, we wish we could tell you that “everyone lived happily ever after”…in our son’s case it has been true so far with some ups and downs along the way. He has a job, is going back to college to finish his degree and is engaged to marry a wonderful young woman in the spring…but not a minute goes by that we don’t pray for his sobriety and for him to stay away from and not use alcohol and drugs.
For our son and family, it has not been easy, but the nightmare has turned into a dream that we hope we never wake up from…sometimes hope is all you have. We pray for that same hope and dream for you and your loved one!
Love,
A Mom and Dad of a recovering addict
I feel your story to the bottom of my soul.My baby boy of 23 years is also an addict but with one more twist. He is also a dialysis patient. His drug of choice is Crack and about any pill he can get his hands on. He has attended 3 rehabs and all had to be paid for. I wish I knew of one that would take him with his condition and I didn’t have to pay for it this time. Not only does his problem consume my life but it is helping to slowly drive me nuts.
His father is an alcoholic and that feeds the fire for him. I fuss,scream and just try to stay sane as the days build up to the night time. The grip of his addiction along with the medical condition he has will kill him if he doesn’t get a handle on it soon.Can anyone out there suggest a place for him to go or just words of hope for a mom really hanging by her last nerve.
please pray for my son anthony and his alcoholic dad tony.
Al Anon can give you the tools to deal with this better. Try different meetings. It works.
i am a drug addict, recovering i guess. i think so often parents watch their children fall victim to drugs and feel as though they take the necessary steps to help but loose hope and give up when they don’t see results right away.. if only they understood the magnitude of how much drugs take over a person i don’t think they would be so inclined to accept their childs path. i commend you and your efforts.
i am writing an english paper about your letter
My name is Veronica and I am 20 years old and have been a drug addict for six years my drug of choice would be yes please and more and I began to intravenously use this past year. I battle with my addiction everyday and my parents have too tried to help battle my addictions with me. I want to commend your efforts to save your son. I think so often parents lose hope to soon because they don’t see the results they were expecting. I say this from personal experience with my parents and from bearing witness to mothers and fathers falling victim to this with their children, my friends. When the relapses happen or they see a lack of desire to help themselves they give up or feel as though they have done what they could and it is now left up to their child which about 90% of the time just not the case. It is so unfortunate and if parents were able to truly understand the magnitude drugs have over a person i don’t think they would give up their fight. They need to realize they are dealing with two very different people their child and the addict and when they stop and say “its up to you now” they don’t understand they are not telling their child that but the addict and how can you leave an addict to their own vices? My parents did this with me and it left me Veronica, not the addict so afraid and alone with this evil demon and addiction new better to think I was above. I am not upset at my parents for doing what they did how can I expect them to understand no one could/can truly unless they have already gone through it and then to make it so much more confusing when a child says I want help and then runs off and gets high over and over and over again it completely with in reason to think their child doesn’t really want help. To the mother and father that wrote this letter … Thank you. For Regina Walker it is not easy to do but it is what I wish I would have told my parents STOP AT NOTHING AND DO WHATEVER IT TAKES your hope and faith will shake and it may seem as though he doesn’t want to help himself or even want your help but KNOW that is not the case and remember the TWO people you are dealing with. When you feel tired and beaten you remember what it is you are fighting for, your son and you remember that you hold on to it as tight as you can and let it give you the strength to PUSH AGAINST THE TIDE. To any parent going though this just know
WE AT TIMES MAY BE HELPLESS BUT WE ARE NOT HOPELESS
Yours Truly,
a drug addict daughter to a mother and father that still believe we can win