A Letter of Hope From Parents of An Addict
Jan 2nd, 2009 • Category: BlogImagine our surprise…you’re reading this so you CAN imagine our surprise (!), OUR son addicted to alcohol and drugs. We thought all teenagers experimented with beer and cigarettes as we did in our youth, but had no clue that our son had spiraled into an alcohol, cocaine and God knows what else…kind of stupor. We learned in a circle of other addicts and parents and loved ones that his drugs of choice were alcohol and cocaine.
Now imagine our shock, we lived on the “right” side of the tracks, in a big house, in the best neighborhood, with a great job to provide all things necessary for a good life, from the best of families, pillars of the community and church and all that…but our beloved son was on drugs…something no one in our immediate family knew anything about.
We were mad as hell at him, mad as hell at each other…how could this be happening to us? We learned pretty quick that it COULD happen to us as well as YOU and anyone else you know. Alcohol and drug addiction pays no attention to who you are, who your mama and daddy are or where you live. It WILL BUST your world wide open if you let it.
One of the best lessons we learned early was from a recovering alcoholic who was a counselor at a major addictions facility. “There is nothing you could have done to prevent your son, or daughter for that matter, from experimenting with alcohol or drugs”, she said. Believe me, we gave them all the parental speeches against drinking and drugs…how it was illegal, in the first place, besides being something that could kill in the snap of a finger. We all knew someone from our high school days who was killed while driving drunk or was killed by a drunk driver…that was enough to scare us into not drinking and driving…well, not that we had a “problem” with alcohol. We could take it or leave it…thank God!
But this cocaine…it was a nightmare that we would not wish on our worst enemy. (We later learned it was cocaine and just about anything else that could be consumed…you can use your imagination!)
Our second lesson from our FIRST rehab was “It usually takes 3-4 rehabs before the addict realizes he is killing himself” and for us as parents to “Go home and make his funeral arrangements”…this we did. “The next call you will receive will be the authorities asking you to come and identify your addict in the morgue. When you receive this call, you will be on auto-pilot, hence making the funeral arrangements prior to the call is a good idea”…such wonderful information to share and a good tidbit to know, we thought sarcastically! She was very direct and matter-of-fact with us. “Not our son”, we thought…he’s “learned his lesson”, we heard him say…but he was addicted to alcohol and drugs.
NOTE: You need to understand this before we go any further with OUR story…each addict’s story depends on himself or herself and a combination of a LOT of other things too numerous to mention here. Whether he or she comes out of addiction or not and into recovery or not is an entirely individual phenomenon. As you know, some stories are sad and some are happy and some stories are a mixture…such is life and such is our story!
Meanwhile, back at the ranch…after our son’s FOURTH rehab stay (thankfully at places that did not require payment) and for several months at a time (or years in our case) of not knowing whether he was alive or dead, our son’s life began to turn around. Why it turned around, we do not know…remember when we said WE had no control over a child’s or young adult’s experimentation with alcohol or drugs?
In our case, our entire family fluctuated over the years back and forth from happiness to despair. In our case, the last rehab seemed to have taken hold for some reason. In our son’s case, he said he was ready to get his life back on track…that he was tired of slowly killing himself before our eyes. He was just ”tired of being tired”.
Now, we wish we could tell you that “everyone lived happily ever after”…in our son’s case it has been true so far with some ups and downs along the way. He has a job, is going back to college to finish his degree and is engaged to marry a wonderful young woman in the spring…but not a minute goes by that we don’t pray for his sobriety and for him to stay away from and not use alcohol and drugs.
For our son and family, it has not been easy, but the nightmare has turned into a dream that we hope we never wake up from…sometimes hope is all you have. We pray for that same hope and dream for you and your loved one!
Love,
A Mom and Dad of a recovering addict
